Well, the word is finally out.  After five years of complaining to my Yellow Pages rep about fraudulent advertising, criminal locksmith rings, ripped- off consumers, and wasted advertising revenues, local authorities are about to institute what, in their minds, is the solution to the phony locksmith ripoff operations which have plagued South Florida area for several years now. The stage has been set with an array of the usual suspects– a local politician or two seeking the usual photo op, a TV reporter or two seeking to validate their usefulness to the South Florida community, and maybe a locksmith company or two seeking to make a name for themselves by standing at the forefront of the proceedings.  And, as usual, authorities are preparing to lean on the wrong people in order to solve the problem.

It’s no surprise that things should have come to this– it’s just the way things are done in this country these days. If Americans react negatively to the flood of illegals in this country, it’s easier to shout ‘xenophobe’ or ’racist’ than it is to fix the problem. If some kid on the other side of the country pulls a gun and shoots some students, it’s easier to demonize  guns and/or legal gun owners than it is to admit that nothing can be done to prevent lunatics from committing acts of insanity anywhere, or at any time. And, now that the country has been plagued by thousands upon thousands of phony locksmiths and criminal ring members, it has been decided that the time has come for the ‘powers that be’ to require me to jump through hoop after hoop in order to proclaim my own legitimacy, and to justify my right to exist in my chosen field of endeavor.

After years of complaining to almost anyone would listen about the extent to which phony locksmith companies were dominating online 411 and the Yellow Book/Pages/Verizon/SuperPages, it is now being decided that I need to be tested, that I need to be fingerprinted, and that I need more documentation (as if a Federal tax ID number, a continuous and legitimate corporate name listed with the Florida division of corporations since 1998, a sales and use tax certificate issued by the Florida Department of Revenue, a Broward County occupational license, and a City of Weston business license are apparently not enough proof of legitimacy). Maybe, as long as they’re at it, they ought to think about hair follicle testing, retina scanning, and voice and facial recognition databases. You can’t be too safe when it comes to ME!

In the meantime, how is any of this going to prevent criminals from committing crimes? Who is going to hold the Yellow Pages’ feet to the fire when it comes to accepting advertising money from people who are blatantly on the wrong side of the law? If you want to talk about ripoffs, let’s talk about the many tens of thousands of dollars that I’ve spent on advertising in the Yellow Pages over the years– don’t I have the right to expect that my advertising dollars are being well- spent?  Do I have the right to expect to compete against others in my trade on a level playing field? Does anyone actually believe that I, as a legitimate tradesperson, can possibly compete against undocumented and unregulated criminals who infiltrate the locksmithing trade, while at the same time paying for no corporate license, paying no taxes, paying for no county or city occupational licensing? The word ‘undocumented’ (in my mind) has come to mean a license to steal, a license to get away with murder, a license to do whatever the heck you want, whenever you want, and to whomever you want (a house near mine is currently occupied by a number of single males who come and go at all hours of the day and night, party like it’s 1999 and yet, barely speak a word of English. The landlord says that they haven’t paid a penny in rent for almost a year now). I find it ironic that, living in a strange land, and speaking little or none of the native language, a person who knows how to play the game can drive a late model car, dress well, wear plenty of bling, and live rent- free. “Give us your tired, give us your poor (give us your sociopathic scam artists) gimme–feed me, feed my kids, pay our rent and doctor’s bills . I don’t care what it costs YOU to take care of ME AND MINE (amoral familialism)! Oh yeah– and let me work off the books, too, ’cause I can’t pay off my Cadillac Escalade on what little I get from you.” And so you and I have been forced into servitude, enslaved by the masses…

There is much more to this topic than a simple licensing issue. Even though America is the land of the free, I have had to get permission from everybody and his mother just to do business to support my household.  As is all too common in America today, law-abiding citizens get screwed to the wall, while lawbreakers get to tip-toe through the tulips. Forget about the war in Iraq — start paying attention to the war against the middle class in this country!  It won’t be long before America is divided into only two classes — the well-to-do (overseeing the middle-class scramble for survival with typical Olympian detachment), and the marginal poor (waiting for their government handouts, chirping like baby birds to be fed by their government masters).

Nothing will be done about the problem of phony ‘locksmiths’ if Government (federal, state or local) addresses only the issue of lost tax revenues. Nothing will be done about the problem of phony ‘locksmiths’ simply by restructuring the membership criteria of trade organizations. Nothing will be done about the problem of phony ‘locksmiths’ if today’s advertising venues are permitted to continue accepting tons of advertising dollars from clearly disreputable sources, and at the expense of their legitimate advertisers.  Phony locksmiths will not cease to advertise just because they’ve received a fine of several thousand dollars (many of them can earn that money back in one or two jobs– clearly no big deal!) These criminals have severed the bond of trust which has historically existed between locksmiths and the public at large, and they’ve been assisted by irresponsible advertising companies, greedy wholesalers, and by (ostensibly) legitimate locksmith companies who, for a price, don’t mind fronting for those who walk on the shady side of society. 

Look at what’s all around you. Ballplayers have shown us that the only way to do well in today’s world is to cheat– to do whatever it takes to get an edge on the other guy. Moms teach their kids to lie and manipulate for ‘Hanna Montana’ tickets, and God only knows what else. Schools waste enormous sums of money building a kid’s ’self-esteem’ and promoting the ‘global warming’ hoax. Self-interested parties collude with government (once they discover that their future profit margins are to be decided by Washington) to the point that it becomes difficult to determine where Government ends and Big Business begins: we once called it ‘Fascism’). The deal goes down like this: the Government promises Big Business a share of the market, further promising to suppress competition, creating a reliable profit stream. In exchange, our ‘progressive’ Corporate citizenry agrees to comply with certain ideological and political agendas, profitably buying into  the global-warming tripe (20,000+ scientists have disagreed with the “consensus”, so where’s the consensus?), buying into diversity, and ‘comprehensive’ immigration reform (enabling Government to capitalize on the woes and tribulations of a newly-minted underclass which will gratefully refrain from EVER biting the hand that feeds them) . What we, as entrepreneurs, get in exchange are punishing economic policies and the inhibition of free markets. HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO THAT?

Let’s hope that the dealmakers in government and in our trade organizations do more than rewrite and administer the upcoming locksmithing business codes to their own advantage. Let’s make sure they don’t– vote sensibly, and often!

Have a great day – ’cause I know I’m gonna.

Valerie Tannenbaum,
Maverick Locksmith, and president,
A2Z Locksmith, Inc.
Weston, Florida

copyright 2008, Valerie Tannenbaum (all rights reserved)